Can I Handle The Seasons Of My Life?
Surely you remember Stevie Nicks, and Fleetwood Mac? I could listen to Stevie sing all day. Then again I love music in a wide variety.. Dolly Parton, Stevie Nicks, Tina Turner, Deva Premal, and many more.
This is a day for me to dance. Yes, it was three years ago today that my divorce was final. I mentioned yesterday that I was going to celebrate being single. The truth is, I reflected on what I gained over my marriage.
Lets face it, I was not finished growing up, and adding another person to the equation was the last thing I needed. Did I mention I was hard “headed” and when “they said” you are too young to get married, and he is not the one for you. I vowed to prove them wrong. I thought after all, I could love him enough to change him! Don’t try that one at home ladies!
Barely 19 when I got married, there was a lot for me to learn. Pretty early in the marriage I had discovered it was not the ivy covered cottage on the hill type of marriage that I had dreamed of. We were married on February 10, 1990 and my first baby, a beautiful baby girl was born on March 15, 1991.
My daughter brought much joy to my life, but the marriage continued to fail. Although I was taking birth control pills, my second baby was conceived shorty thereafter and another beautiful baby girl was born on May 3, 1992.
Much of my labor pains were experienced at home with both of my children, there was much for me to contemplate the second time around. Dr. Lasker’s words sounded out, if you have the third baby you won’t get to the hospital in time. Both of my children were born before they could get me admitted and the paperwork signed.
Having a baby in route to the hospital did not scare me nearly as much as what I was facing. My marriage was rocky to say the least, I was working a full time job as a nurse with 12 hour shifts, and I had 2 babies in diapers. Did I mention all this and I was 21 years old, funny how people look forward to becoming of legal age. This life did not seem legal to me.
As soon as my second baby was born, I said to the staff, I want my tubes tied. I suppose that exact moment was when reality had kicked in…
“Mrs. White we will have to wait until morning when your husband can sign the consent papers.”….
Being a nurse on the cardiac floor, I was familiar with many of the rules in the hospital so I spoke up “No, you don’t understand I had my baby naturally, not even pain meds. I am totally alert and oriented x3. Ask, I can tell you what year it is, and who the president is!”
That is when I was informed, he still had to sign because he is my husband and I was getting my tubes tied.
I felt alone, sad, angry and like I was in prison. Someone else had to sign, you mean I could not chose what I do with my own body?
I had a brand new beautiful baby that I loved very much plus another beautiful daughter at home and that night I cried!
So, today Friday, July 23…. I celebrate freedom, and motherhood, and love and I am dancing like no one is watching!