“Hello God, are you out there?
Can you hear me, are you listenin’ any more?
Hello God, if we’re still on speakin’ terms
Can you help me like before?
I have questioned your existence,
My resistance leaves me cold
Can you help me go the distance?
Hello God, hello, hello ” ~Dolly Rebecca Parton
The past few days I have taken a sabbatical from blog writing. It was important that I be clear with my intentions of the blog, and remember the purpose I have behind blogging. My first step was thinking about the title… Teresa Journeys Home.. The Road Less Traveled!
So, my question is, where I am going? Home… where is home? Is that a physical place with an address?? An ivy covered house on the hill with a white picket fence? Is it where I was born? Maybe, it’s where I lay down each night…
Now, in order to get “home” it seems like I would need to have some idea of where I am going… and it would be a good idea to remember all the places I have visited that were so NOT home!
A very wise man once told me you have to let go of what you are holding in your hand in order to reach for something greater. He also told me to go where the love is. So where the love is, must be home, and I must let go of what I am holding onto so tightly.
“In this engrossing and captivating travel memoir, journalist Liz Glbert globe trots for a year to Italy, India and Indonesia…Lucky for us, the lessons she learns are entirely importable” Marie Claire
One of my friends surprised me with the book Eat Pray Love for my birthday. My 40th birthday no less, the year I have already claimed would be a year to shine, a year of seeing through different eyes. Well lets face it, this year has already been quite eventful. Before the year was half through I had already taken two retreats with friends to get away from my “life”, visited my family in West Virginia twice, attended my youngest daughters graduation, almost gone to jail for having a suspended drivers license (a story too long to explain), traveled 28,000 sky miles, driven in California and started classes. Now, did I mention in all that, I quit my job, said good bye and started a new job. You know that was a “I have lost my best friend moment”. ..That could possibly be considered a mid life crisis.. I mean you know if I were middle aged it could be considered that I suppose. Anyway I looked at it, there was grieving to do. Grieving of my old life. My old ways.
In reality those these were all steps leading me home. There we go again, were IS this place I keep speaking of??? HOME? Listen, I have been searching for forty years.. it is time the space ship lands and I have a little friend come with a lit up finger and point me in the right direction so I can fly home!
Now.. back to the book! Go ahead laugh.. but guess what? I am that one person that you know who would actually eat there way through Italy.. pray their way through India and love there way through Indonesia… Yes, I would dance with an Italian translator, study at an Ashram with a Guru and engulf myself with the healing of a medicine man.. YOU BETTER BELIEVE I WOULD!
This book brought up several feelings and memories. Immediately I thought back to my childhood. Many hours I spent swinging on a grapevine, I would take off in Wild Wonderful West Virginia but when I landed I would imagine I was in Italy, India, Mexico and many other places.. Places I wonder how I even knew about at 6?
Maybe even then I was searching.. trying to find the path that would take me “home”.
Italy ~I sure identified with Liz’s love of those dark brown liquid center eyes, and her love of pasta.. and not necessarily in that order. More than once I have been tempted and fallen prey to brown eyes and spaghetti! It is a horrible curse. Let’s face it.. if those brown eyes speak in an Italian accent.. well please pass the pasta! Lets Eat!
I try to forgive myself, I am after all human….
India~ This was possibly one of the hardest parts of the book for me, oh don’t get me wrong I loved the book. While in India Liz might have well slapped me upside my head with her Japa Mala beads. You see, I believe when I pray.. I am talking to god, I am asking God for answers, sometimes I beg god for the answer. Of course sometimes he answers and I act like I can’t hear, partly because I wanted a different answer.. so then I start trying to demand GOD SHOW ME A SIGN.. And generally I get thumped up side my head with an answer only he did not change his mind from the first time, when I did not listen.
When I meditate though I think of myself as just being still, and letting god have the spot light. You know I am sure you have heard the saying let go and let god.
Sure enough during meditation things started coming up that I had to deal with. I began to learn that with storms there are waves, but I can still swim… PLEASE pass the tissues..
At this point I took the book out to the pool, with a box of tissues. The way I saw it I would find my way back to Italy with another plate of spaghetti if I didn’t distance myself from the kitchen.
I thought back to 1982.. my twelfth year.. I was thinking particularly of going to church that year.. I was searching desperately for peace within. Guilt was overcoming me and I needed to feel unconditionally loved.. GOD can you love me even though I punched Chucky Saunders in the nose in second grade and made his nose bleed? Even though I stole Little Debbie Snack cakes from my dads lunch bucket? Can you love me even though I am twelve and wear a size 36 D bra? (only twelve!!!) That year I ran down the isle of the Herndon Freewill Baptist Church to be saved…three times.. on three separate occasions. HELLO GOD CAN HEAR ME (and Dolly Parton songs play in my head until I start to live my life in her voice)… Granted I was only baptized once that year, but.. none the less I was searching…
Maybe, I should think about being more focused when I pray, and pay attention more when I meditate. I mean then I could translate the message much easier.
Forgive me father I am not perfect, I love you but can you love me, even though I am not perfect? Can you love me even when I am “bad” or “when I mess up?” Forgive me god and please help me learn to forgive myself… Lets Pray!
Indonesia~ Here we are at love…Love that is it.. that is the answer.. it is what I have been searching for… only I have been searching everywhere… this has been the longest journey… traveling those 18 inches from my head to my heart has been a long and winding road..I did not have to spend all those years searching outside me. Love was there all along… LET’S LOVE
Now, one of the most amazing things about the book? In the front cover my friend wrote a message for me. To Teresa May Every day be a Happy Birthday! Lessons are sometimes very subtle and this one took me a few days to catch on, but the message was there. It wasn’t until I wrote this blog entry that I fully understood. Everyday can be a happy birthday. It doesn’t matter that I punched Chucky Saunder’s in second grade, or that I stole my dads snack cakes. It doesn’t matter any more or less than the fact that I once weighed 385 pounds, or that my marriage failed. Each day is a new day, and I can chose to forgive, and I chose to make it a happy day.
Go where the love is.. visit the heart. God doesn’t hang out in my head and neither should I!!!
Are you taking the long way home??