So, now that I have bared my soul and told some of the not so “princess” like details of my bariatric post op journey. Maybe it’s safe to talk about my real life.
In case you haven’t noticed, I am 40 years old. Quite frankly, I am not really that hard on the eyes. Some people have even remarked at how much I resemble a young Dolly Parton. Last time I checked she looked an angel.
So, here lies the famous question… WHY AM I STILL SINGLE? How many times do I have to be asked this? How many different ways can it be asked? Oh, I will give you some of my favorites….
*What’s wrong with you that you aren’t married?
*Do you even like men?
*You’re going to be an old maid soon if you don’t find someone, aren’t you worried?
*You must be lonely?
*Are you a lesbian?
There’s a simple explanation really. It’s my therapist’s fault! ( Insert laughter this is not blame it’s just funny!)
As stated in the previous blog post there was a time in my post op life that I thought things were so miserable I just wanted to end it all. There is a chance that if I had of gone to therapy during my weight loss, I would not of gotten to that point. But, that really doesn’t matter because I didn’t and in the end it all works out and things really do happen because they are scheduled to happen that way in life… Seriously I am living my auto-biography. The funny part is I signed up to play myself in the movie!
So anyhow, after my lovely state of drunken rage and big threats of jumping into a canal.. I found myself in a therapists office. (Now if you are saying to yourself, great this chick is crazy she is seeing a therapist, don’t worry. I fought seeing a therapist for years. I didn’t want people to think I was ~crazy)
It was nothing like I had thought it would be. I imagined a therapist would surely be just another person that would “expect me to be what their idea of me was” surely they would tell me what to do… I was not really willing to sign on.
Waking up one morning realizing I had written suicide notes to my children, my parents, my grandmother and the last two men I had dated was sort of a wake up call. I thought maybe therapy was in order!
Now, what was the topic here? Oh yes.. how it is my therapists fault I am still single at 40!
On about my third visit with the therapist (also very near my 38th birthday) she invited me to consider giving up dating for a year and work on getting to know me…..
Was this my punishment for scheduling my therapy session around my juggled schedule of match.com dates? Seriously.
I sat there for about 3 seconds looking at her as if she had three noses…then said “ARE YOU CRAZY?” (oh yes, I did) Then I proceeded to explain to her I was getting close to 40, if I didn’t find a man soon, I may never.
On the way home, I thought about it and thought about my past history with match.com and I laughed out loud. The next day I called her on the phone and said, “Ok, but just for a year, will I give up dating”
So I remember vividly the day my year was up, and thought for sure I would have a date for that day. Truth is, I was enjoying getting to know me and the inner child I had neglected. I sort of viewed my year of dating as not just a diet but a lifestyle change. I wasn’t ready to tackle the buffet again.
Now, two years later… not only have I stopped eating from the buffet, I started doing Yoga~
I have learned many things like:
*Being alone does not mean I am lonely…
*There is a lot of crappy, processed stuff on the buffet…
*Love and divinity can not be found searching outside my heart… it was there all along..
Oh yeah, and I have long since discovered my therapist is pretty darn wise… she wasn’t crazy at all! Not to mention, giving up dating until I could discover and learn to be ME (freely) wasn’t a punishment! It was a gift I chose to receive!
Be love, be loved and be well…Teresa