Today I picked up my youngest grandson Dakota and headed off to see my grandmother. I could not even speak two words before I started crying. There is a part of me that knows if my grandmother were to die tomorrow, I would always carry her in my heart. But, there is a part of me that just wants to hold on to her for dear life.
Today Grandma sang the Itsy Bitsy Spider and You are My Sunshine to me. She sings to me every time I see her. My grandmother is going to be 90 in about two weeks, and she is no longer able to live alone. She with my Aunt Mary (grandma’s daughter) and I am sure thankful.
Here I am 40 years old and even have grandchildren of my own, yet my grandmother brings out that happy child inside me that can laugh and be free.
After my visit with Gran, I drove out on the mountain to visit Grandpa. Grandpa left this world on July 25th, 1998. I went to the cemetery when he was buried but honestly it was so traumatic for me I don’t remember it. I just seemed to block it out of my memory. I don’t know why I felt that I needed to go or how I mustered up the strength, but I went today.
Our family cemetery is out on the mountain, on Hickory Ridge. Driving there takes a 4×4 and a good set of nerves. The cemetery itself sits up on the top of the mountain, and my grandfathers grave is at the very end. I am not sure, but maybe I was going for some sort of closure. Maybe just to prove to myself that my grandfather is not there, but he is in my heart.
Whatever the reason once I got there, I just sat down and cried. When I got up, I turned and faced away from the grave and I realized what an amazing view. All I could see was mountains and I imagine if my grandfather could have chosen a view it would have been this.
To say the least, this was a very emotional day. I feel like I have been through a storm. I can only hope for the rainbow to follow.