June 21, 2011
Each day I continue to work on healing my life MIND~BODY~SPIRIT… wellness for me depends on being whole. Sometimes I enjoy going back to reflect on life and realize how far I have come. Sucess is defined by the individual seeking it, not by those who are looking in from the outside.
Today means something different for many people, and for some it’s just another day. Officially it’s the first day of summer and the Summer Solstice. I started my day today by waking up early and heading out to the ocean, I am blessed in the fact that its a short drive away and it the front row of sunrise is a free ticket for those who find serenity in the lightshow.
This morning as I sat in the sand letting the waves lap over me, I reflected back to my life a few years back. Three years ago this July 5th I embarked on a new venture that I had no idea where it would lead. I had experienced some dark areas and was searching desperately for answers. I wont go into a lot of details here, because that will be another chapter…for another time. Lets just say I had been looking for answers to life in the bottom of a bottle. I had managed to trade my “medication” of food in and had started “medicating” with alcohol.
It’s not something I am proud of, nor am I ashamed of it really. It happened, it was obviously something I needed to face and overcome and I did.
What stuck out to me this morning was that rainy July 5th, 2008.. the storms were horrific, the rain was so hard I could barely see to drive. All the traffic lights were out and I got out of the car the parking lot was knee high with water, I took off my 5 inch, Italian Black patent leather pumps and walked barefoot through the water with umbrella. I was determined I was going to change my life. I knew in my heart, I had not undergone the knife and had bariatric surgery only to transfer my food addiction for alcohol…
This was my first day EVER of therapy… and you must understand… I walked into that office HATING therapist. I felt as if they lived up to their title “The-Rapist” and even told my therapist my feelings about that. I am sure she realized that first day that she had her work cut out for her in me. I also told her I was giving her 6 weeks to “fix me” thats about all I had time for with my busy work schedule.
She LAUGHED, I did not. Yet, I continued even after those 6 weeks were over to make the 30 minute drive once a week to her office. Each visit learning something new about me and what I wanted in life… and learning how to go within my own self to find answers and comfort.. rather than looking for comfort in food, or a bottle or in others.
The first visit she asked me if I ever spend any time outdoors. Take time to sit on the beach and relax, reflect or think. I LAUGHED, no I work 6 days a week and a couple evenings a week doing support groups. How do you support yourself she asked. I just stared at her. She gave me a homework assignment of “GETTING OUT IN THE SUN and enjoying life” and as I left she said “oh and wear sunscreen” As you can see, I accepted the challenge and now its hard to get me out of the sun 😉
One of the things I have reflected on today is that during great struggles and adversities is where I often find my greatest strengths and where I learn to overcome the most and I GROW tremendously. I am in a humbled state of gratitude today for the many blessings in my life…
I would like to add here that I made it so much farther than 6 weeks in my therapy, my goal was to get back to a point where I could have a glass of wine from time to time without losing control. I much succeeded that, because once I met my goal, I realized I really did not want to drink at all. Today I am alcohol free. I embrace a new healthy lifestyle. Addictions stem from fear… I have learned to replace fear with love 😉
The energy today is perfect for letting go of the things that no longer serve us, its perfect for setting the intention of moving forward and manifesting great things in our lives. Get outdoors and get some sun time in… oh and wear sunscreen