“There comes a time in your life when you realize who will always matter, who does matter, and who never did. So don’t worry about people from your past; there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.” –anonymous
Over the past couple of months I have had many, many, MANY PM messages asking me if I will be at the BE event in September. I have been answering them one by one. This entry will serve as a blanket statement for my NOT attending the BE Event in September.
First of all I really do not wish to go into “details” of the parting of ways between SM, BE and I. Many of you know SM and I were not just employeer/employee we were also at one point very close friends, I even referred to her as my “sister”. We spent a lot of time together traveling, shopping, and just hanging out. So I did not just resign a position of employment the day I turned in my resignation, I also walked away from a 5 year friendship.
I had to ask myself.. can I really feel good about myself and my life if I stay. Am I willing to jeopardize my integrity?
It’s very personal.
When I try to think of words to write, the statement above came to mind.
The well, and healthy thing to do when you are in a relationship or job that is no longer in alignment with your own integrity and core values is to walk away from it. This is a lesson I learned from staying so long in an unhealthy relationship.
It was a struggle for me to make the decision to walk away because in reality.. SM had provided her friendship and support during my divorce. In turn I supported her in many situations both as an employee and as a friend. However, SM did not “rescue” me from an abusive marriage, I made the choice to leave. SM was a facilitator in giving support and also hiring me into a full time position. BELIEVE me, I worked in the position. Keep in mind when I moved to South Florida, my family, loaned me enough money to move here. To afford rent, moving, ect. I had worked as a nurse for over 17 years, and I had also worked in a marketing position as a patient liaison. I had also completed all but one class to finish my requirements for a Bachelors Degree in Science. The job was not “given” to me out of “charity”, I was qualified for the position.
Several people have told me, it has been said to some members of the BE Board that—- I left the message board because it got to be too much for me answering all the questions ect from the members. That is simply not true. When I left BE I had no intention of leaving the Before and After support board. MY password of 5 years was changed and I can not log into the board, no I did not forget it, and no its not my computer that is on fritz. I questioned SM about the situation and she made the decision that since I work for a bariatric vitamin company, she can not “allow” me to be a member of the board. So although some of you are being told I am too busy for you, that is not the case.
It was also brought to my attention this was posted on SM’s personal FB page.
Susan Nunziato Leach Having ipod iphone difficulties. My older itouch has playlist files no longer on my itunes, so it keeps wanting to resync by REPLACING everything… noooooo. It appears that someone has inadvertently purchased the ENTIRE Dolly Parton song list on my itunes account – but it’s okay, I know where she lives… lol. T is probably wondering where all those songs are!
This implies that I went in on someone elses account and purchased something without permission. This itunes set was a gift from SM last year for my Birthday. How quickly one forgets.
This is posted on her page today.
Susan Nunziato Leach
Susan Nunziato Leach They SAY that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but I think it means that some folks just dont have anything of their own to offer the world. I guess us sparkly folks with great ideas just have to keep coming up with new things.
about an hour ago
I am flattered…. As for the BE event.. Fin is my bead Guru and and has been since I decided to start beading again a couple years ago. I started seriously beading when I was around 12(but I am part Cherokee Indian, we are born beading and creating jewelry) but stopped a few years back because of my “schedule”, Fin was fantastic in teaching new techniques for me. Of course, I could not wait to invite SM to meet Fin. Yes, Patricia was my belly dancing instructor and for a year I was her student. She is amazing as well as Luna whose show I have watched in support of her and in support of the ART of Belly Dance. As soon as I started belly dance… I could not wait to invite SM.. she declined because of her own personal reasons.. Yes, you have heard me talk about Kundalini yoga before… thank you for remembering. Also chef Andy and his wife are lovely people, I have spent many evenings talking with them as Helen and I ate at Le Bistro. Thank you Helen for introducing me to them.
These are all wonderful teachers, and I would and DID recommend each and everyone of them. 😉
It is flattering that this event contains many of my core activities and yes I would love to see my friends from the message board. Yes the event is just minutes from my apartment, and I do love going to bariatric social events…However, my integrity and my core values remain intact.
I AM standing in MY own shoes walking MY path… in dignity and grace. Holding my head high. For these things I thank God!
The hardest job I ever had was trying to BE what someone else wanted me to BE!
Thank you but no I will NOT BE at the event…,
Teresa
So, those of you who have “read” or “heard” about me.. and what I did or did not do. Remember there is a “rest of the story”
you are a wonderful shining person and you deserve to be at a place where you can shine 😀
*applauds*
good for you! I love that quote
Well said Teresa! You are show a lot of class and restraint in how you are handling what is probably a difficult situation.
Hope to meet you at OH Cincinnati. Dont plan on going to Florida anytime in the near future.
Bob
I will see you in Cin City.. BTW I met you last year in Atlanta…
I would love to be able to comment on this one right now. But it’s left me with more questions then answers. And where as I want to ask said questions, or make points… the tactful/diplomatic part of my brain is screaming loud enough to give me a headache.
All people “sparkle” in their own way. Most times, however, they don’t stand in a spotlight so everyone can see the sparkle.
As for myself, I will pick Inner Sparkle over Outer Glitz any (and every) day of the week.
me too
I applaud this speech and being brave enough to post for all the world to see. I know the Bariatric Community is very small. You could have easily taken the low road and bitched and moaned about all the stuff that happened and negative comments about BE and SM. You chose to be graciuos. And I must thank you for being this type of friend. When my whole situation blew up for the world to see you were one of the few who did not pass judgement, “take sides”, verbally abuse anyone, and gave beautiful support and kind words without being fake or just blocking, deleting, or ridicule me.
I thank you and hope I can count you as a friend. Maybe someday I can return the favot.
Laura –
REALLY? HERE TOO?
Miss T. I am so sorry that bad things happen to good people.. not knowing all the details is just fine with me. Just know that day that I called the store and talked to you directly is a day that I will always remember. Thanks for telling me that I am an inspiriation and that you loved my “name”.. it humbles me because you inspire me daily.. and I really have missed seeing you at BE, but now understand the “why”..
You picked an awesome screen name.. You inspire me. PS I don’t look at it as a bad thing happening, I just learned some lessons thats all.
Most people, myself included, have a hard time letting go. Of people, places, things, memories, wants, etc. I had a similar FB discussion w/my daughter last night. I’d love her to embrace my religion of choice, and she is quite content with no religious affiliation at all. I have to accept that she makes her choices according to what she needs to do for HER, as I taught her to! (funny, but I instilled that in her, but since it’s not MY choice, it’s harder than I imagined to accept) 🙂 Some of us in certain situations never become ‘the adult’. She’s taught me to accept and respect her choices whether they fit MY protocols or not. And they don’t HAVE to fit mine…only hers. You’ve chosen to do what you needed to do for YOUR well being. Kol Ha K’vod (all the honor is yours) William “Bill the Quill” Shakespeare said it best: TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE. You’ve given yourself an amazing gift…to honor your integrity, respecting your self, and learning another life lesson. It’s always a bit sad when some relationships end or evolve, as things don’t always morph the way we’d like, but life would never be sweet without some bitterness to balance the outcome.
T, you made your decision and you moved on. FWIW, I have read nothing on the board about you except for some people asking where you were. I’m sure everyone knows by now. For heaven’s sake, stop beating a dead horse. Move on.
As for the ‘imitation’ comment, that came about from a discussion in the mod forum. Your name wasn’t mentioned. As I’ve told you many times before, it isn’t about YOU. One more time. IT ISN’T ABOUT YOU.
I truly hope you find who you really are and who your friends really are. Someday I would like to meet the real you.
Mary
Nice try Mary. But I am not impressed, considering you are a moderator on the board, and on SM’s defensive line ( I know I was the star player last season). I did not say the imitation comment was about me. I said.. I am flattered. Don’t worry Mary I don’t hold it against you, like I said.. been there done that. Until you remove the rose colored glasses… well…
Mary, my resignation and WHAT happened leading up to it absolutely was about me. You know nothing about it.
If it were ALL about ME, well I suppose I would have kept my position of Director of what is TOUTED AS the LARGEST Bariatric empire… RIGHT??
I know who I am and I know what happened.
As for my friends, I know who my real friends are, and who is NOT my friend also.
“Imitation” — that comment is in regards to the event that was announced. Any event done for the WLS Community IS OBVIOUSLY just trying to “be like them.”
And no one else can MATCH their SPARKLE. O-O
Remember that posting about ASMBS, Teresa? Did any of those self-serving comments materialize? Uh. “Best horse in the race…” no one else can.. this no one else can that?
Teresa – you knew that if you aligned yourself with another event/company/group this would occur. But it’s okay, because…
It’s NOT about you.
You did not send out invitations to a “Teresa Event” with someones FACE smeared on them, did you? If you HAD, IT WOULD BE ABOUT YOU.
(And, I would be awfully concerned about your well-being.)
I read… I get… but I was never in the SM/BE world… I’m still proud of anyone that stands up for what they believe in… refusing to compromise their values for someone else! WTG Teresa… can’t wait to meet you next August!
I was never part of the SM/BE world, but way to go Teresa, I am proud of you for standing up in what you believe in no matter what!!! you are an inspiration to many, sorry for your pain in the whole matter!!!
I just wanted to say– good for you– for coming to a place where your allegiance was to the one person who really deserved it—YOU. I also have left positions when I out grew them- or could not longer deal with the conflict of my own personal integrity… with out integrity- and love and compassion and truth– we have very little of value. God speed to you on your voyage of new life! I will be following…
Thank you and welcome!!!
I know just how very difficult it is to walk away from people that you once held near and dear. I can not imagine that being combined with a job, my livelihood. Congratulations Teresa. While it is difficult to take that step, to be speculated about, and to be question, you have set yourself apart as a shining example of being centered and spiritually healthy. You did what you did for core balance. I bow down to you.
I continue to look forward to your blog postings, and as a newbie into this bariatric life, I appreciate all that you have done and continue to do for the community (the entire community) as a whole. Truth and forthcoming, honor and integrity are a seemingly rare phenomenon “out there” as of late.
Teresa, like others I just want to applaud you for your inner strength and well for lack of a better term “hootzpa”! You are a classy chick in my books -you chose not to participate in shit slinging- and I am sure at times that becomes so difficult- especially when so much of “this” is being shared on social networks or forums!
You take the high road and preserve your integrity girly – you have come so far and triumphed! – I believe in Karma and you know what they say about that.
I appreciate all that you do for us in the WLS community and think you are a wonderful example of living each and every moment to the fullest and celebrating the “new” you!
Shine away your are amazing!
hugs
deb
PS:
Are Your Friends Here for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime?
http://www.learningplaceonline.com/relationships/friends/reason-season.htm
Teresa
I know nothing about what preceded your blog. I commend you for taking the high road. Love your blog, you are amazing at sharing from your heart, I’m looking forward to learning more from your insightful comments and thoughts.
You are a successful 6 year post op. You rock, girl!
You can’t know how much better I personally feel knowing that you were being a SM-bot. I had wondered why on earth someone who could get herself out of as horrible of a situation as you were with your marriage could be spouting such things that had an undercurrent of disfunctionality. I’m one of the few DSers who still frequent that board. And today I may have actually sealed my fate by daring to disagree with the queen, but so what. I had to speak out against the biggest lie out there – that a surgeon should choose what kind of of surgery you should get. Ummm, doesn’t a certain someone preach that you should research surgeons and techniques for things like plastic surgery? Why on earth wouldn’t the same apply to weight loss surgery, something that is even MORE important than the cosmetic stuff. Just another time when I’ve had enough.
Anyway, enough about me. I’m glad you can stand up for you. And I’m getting such a giggle out of how many things on that lineup just so happen to line up with your long-time passions. And yes, you’ve mentioned every single one of them throughout your time on all the boards. It may not have been intentional on her part (I can be delusional, right?), but there it is.
Keep on keeping on, girl!
I’m so happy when I realized I’m not the only one who disliked that board and its crazy leader and her posse. Good riddance… you are better off without them!
I had almost forgotten about that place since its been over a year since I visited, but then one of the crazies decided to reply up there… and I remembered the reasons I left and NEVER refer anyone there.
Good for you for leaving.. and yay for choosing Celebrate. Best vitamins ever 🙂