I AM Returning to Love… Care to Join Me?

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was
blind.  She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He
was always there for her. He loved her unconditionally.

One day the blind girl told her boyfriend, ‘If I
could only see the world, I will marry you.’

Alas, the day come when someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the
bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including
her boyfriend.

He asked her, ‘Now that you can see the world, will you
marry me?’ The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that
he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids frightened & shocked her.
She hadn’t expected that. The thought of looking at them
the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to
her saying: ‘Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for
before they were yours, they were mine.’

A gift of vision he had given her, and yet to him it revealed her true colors.

This is how the human mind often works when our status
changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before,
and who was always by their side in the most painful
situations.

Life Is a Gift, Love is a CHOICE

So, before you say an unkind word – Think of someone who
can’t speak. Send them love instead.

Before you complain about the taste of your food – Think of
someone who has nothing to eat. Send them love to nourish their soul.

Before you complain about your husband or wife – Think of
someone who’s crying out to GOD for a companion. Send them love to comfort them.

Before you complain about being alone and lonely- Think of those who are trapped in abusive relationships searching desperately a way out. Send them love so they might find peace.

Today before you complain about life – Think of someone who
died too early on this earth. Send their spirit and their loved ones love.

Before you complain about your children – Think of someone
who desires children but they’re barren. Send them love so they may find and embrace their inner child.

Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn’t
clean or sweep – Think of the families who are living in the
streets. Send them love so they might fin comfort.

Before whining about the distance you drive Think of
someone who walks the same distance with their feet. Send them love.

And when you are tired and complain about your job – Think
of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had
your job or any job. Send them love, so they may find abundance.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning
another – Remember that not one of us is perfect. Send them love. They are reflecting to you.. Love YOU.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down – Put a
smile on your face and think: you’re alive and still
around. Send love to the world and to yourself… Fill your heart and soul with love so you may find peace.

Just remember in life, things are never what they seem….

 

The moral of this story in case you didn’t get it is… how often when we reject others are we actually rejecting ourselves?

We were obese, lose the weight and suddenly we judge others who are struggling. Or maybe we are in an abusive relationship that we hide, and yet judge others who are in an abusive relationship. We mock and condem those who have the courage to be themselves, only because we are afraid to shine our own light.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are we not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.
And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others.

Stranded 911 This is an Emergency. I am Tearing the Horn off this Anvil

But A Rainbow Brings you a Variety of Colors before you find the Gold! And a broken link can be mended.

A Heart Filled With Many Colors...Is a heart filled with Love

Today I am going deep, proceed with caution.

I became aware of my “journey” on June 25, 2003. I was driving home from my home health job in my Nissan “PATHFINDER”.  I stopped at my sister in laws to pick up my daughters. We had planned a family cook out for the evening and Tia (my sister in law) had given me a pack of ground chuck to grill burgers. It was wrapped in aluminum foil.

My daughters stood beside my car begging me to let them stay with Tia. Just one night they pleaded. Of course, I said no. “We are having a family cookout, we can spend this evening being a family.” My youngest daughter Leesa went inside to get her things as my daughter Megan pooched out her bottom lip and said “Please mama” How could I say no to that face?

I hugged them both, and kissed them on the cheek as my daughter Megan yelled back “Ma, put your seatbelt on”

I was over 300 pounds and wearing a seatbelt made me feel trapped, restrained and fat! I just looked at her and she said, “For me?” So I put my seatbelt on and popped open my sunroof so I could breathe.

As I drove so many things came into my mind. I had been researching Gastric Bypass surgery, I was scheduled an appointment for July 25. I had just re-married my ex-husband. Yes, you did hear that right. Our original marriage was Feb 10, 1990, I was a mere 19 years old. Our divorce was Feb. 10, 2002. He had left me for another woman, lived with her for awhile, we divorced and when they broke up, he came back to the house this was around July of 2002. So we lived together in hate, confusion and un-trust for several months. Then I started looking into having bariatric surgery in May of 2003.

In my mind having surgery would fix everything…my marriage, my life… fix it all. I was being very judgemental of myself as I drove along that day with my Dolly Parton CD playing in the background. I kept telling myself surgery was the only way out, and I was stranded in shell of 300 pounds.I had remarried Greg, he had good insurance and I could have surgery. We could work this out, I mean after all when I lost weight, it would all be ok.

I wasn’t prepared for the jolt that happened next. Something hit my front passenger tire, and my Pathfinder skidded out of control. With the impact I was thrown forward into the steering wheel, luckily wearing a seatbelt. However I immediately wanted out of this situation. I reached for the seatbelt unbuckling it. It was so fast, yet everything was moving so slow.  People say you see your life flash before your eyes, and it is true. In a matter of seconds I was viewing not only my life, but the situation at hand.

The wooden chain my grandfather had whittled for me swinging like a pendulum from my mirror. I reached for it to protect it from breaking but my pathfinder had turned up on its side with the impact. I was rolling and being flung around like a 300 pound rag doll.

So many things flashing before me that I hadn’t done, that I came to this earth to do.  I began to barter with god. I am not ready to die, I have so much left to do on this earth. My children what would happen to my daughters? Who would take care of them? Who would be their ma?

This is a situation where the only choice at hand is to let go and let God. I could see the tree that was in my path, unbuckling my seatbelt had jolted me from the seat and half way out the sunroof. So the vision of the tree was clear, and I really didn’t want to see this, so I closed my eyes leaving my fate to a higher power.

I felt the impact as my pathfinder collided with the tree. It was in a flash, literally. Very quick and with what seemed like a flash of light from a camera flash.  Was I dead? If so, death didn’t hurt like I thought it would. I reached to feel my face, since it was in the collision path and it seemed as though I would hit head on, face to face with a tree. My face was intact. I seemed to be alive and well, considering the stress of the situation. I was very upset about something though, something had hit my passenger front tire. I didn’t see anything. What was it? Had a  child ran in front of my path? A person? A dog? Where they ok?

I looked first for the wooden chain that hung from my mirror in honor of my grandfather. It was gone, and tears came to my eyes.  Don’t get me wrong, I certainly was aware enough to be thankful, I AM a Survivor of this crash. I was not a victim of a car wreck, I was not a victim in life… I AM a survivor.

I looked up at my car and I thought to myself… oh, I can’t fix that mess.

Next I look for my cell phone, but I cant seem to locate it.  Someone asked me once how long I laid there? I have no idea, it seemed like hours, but I know it wasn’t. Although years worth of thoughts visited my mind. When I heard a lady’s voice yell out to me “Hey, are you okay?”

I could see her shadow at the edge of the woods, I was off the road in the thicket. “I am okay, but the car is on my foot and I can’t move”

“I will go call for help, just hold on” she yelled back to me.

She was leaving me and it would soon be dark, and I am in the woods alone, stranded. I yelled out loud please don’t leave me alone here. Within seconds a man was there, holding my hand wiping my hair from my face. I asked him not to worry about me, I was not injured. I pled with him to go check and see what or who hit me, and are they ok?  He just kept Reassuring me everything was going to be ok, help was on its way. I asked him to call my husband and he did.

The rescue squad arrived, and suddenly there were people everywhere. I kept saying something hit me, please check to see if they are ok. Maybe they thought I meant a car, because they kept telling me “Mam, nothing hit you, YOU hit  a tree!” NO, NO, NO something hit me, that’s what caused me to lose control of the car. It could have been a child. I was upset that no one would “hear” me! I needed to know what had hit me.

Of course, I got the lecture “Mam you have been in a serious accident, from the looks of your car, and that tree you could have serious head injuries or back injuries. We need you to lie still, you can’t get up. We are going to use the jaws of life to extricate you from the vehicle”  They were going to put a white sheet over me and I panicked. I was after all claustrophobic, and was holding it together quite well all things considering. The nice man who had held my hand and called Greg for me, said I will go under the sheet with you don’t worry.

About that time Greg showed up, and stomped around pushing his way through the crowd yelling thats my wife.  The rescue squad told him I seemed to be ok, that they were going to cut me from the car so they could assess me.

This is where Greg took his fist and pounded the top of my “Pathfinder” and yelled out “Teresa, look at this you tore up the car. You could tear the horn off an anvil. I am NEVER going to have anything because you destroy everything!”

The people from the rescue squad, the man holding my hand and I all just looked at him. He was throwing a hissy fit. It now only wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t called for. He was asked to leave the site of the accident.

In the mean while I keep trying to convice them all to find what hit me  LOL.

The noise of the popping metal from my “pathfinder”, the glass breaking away, and the noise the jaws of life itself makes caused my entire body to shake. I started to sing, it was all I knew to do. I sang “Life is Like A Butterfly” and I turned to the man holding my hand and asked him to look for my wooden chain and please hold onto it for me.

Once I was free from the car, I asked to stand up, of course I know the drill. I had worked in ER before. I could have a back injury and they wanted to put me on a back board and strecher. BUT I AM NOT HURT, and I AM HEAVY! I cried out.

It didn’t matter. My safety was their priority and it took 7 strong adults to lift me that day. They struggled to lift me and I struggled with the heaviness of my heart that day…. I kept saying “I am so sorry I am FAT!”

The last faces I saw before they loaded me on the ambulance was “Tia, Megan and Leesa”.  Tia said to me, “Megan found what hit you… there is a Doe deer on the side of the guardrail.” Tears filled my eyes, and I hugged them.

I used to view this story from just the body and mind aspect.

My physical body was so obese the weight could be what protected me in the wreck, I don’t know the answer there. The emotional pain of the weight of my life was weighing me down. I had totally lost feeling of my inner self and lost touch with the world as I know it. I had seperated from my spiritual self. The wreck was a wake up call…. and this is where my “journey”  home…began in a sense.

I was taken to the ER via rescue squad, and released without injury. People who looked at my SUV said there is no way anyone could have survived that wreck. People who saw the tree I hit and how I cleared a path through the woods to the tree said, there is no way anyone could have survived that crash.

The next day, I drove to pick up my sister in law and daughters and we drove to the site of the wreck. I was looking for my wooden chain. I stood and faced the tree with the sun on my back. I had a very profound respect for this tree and as I turned I caught a reflection.. The sun was reflecting on something on the ground and I reached to pick it up…aluminum foil from the ground chuck.. and underneath my chain.

My chain had survived the crash also, and it had only one broken link. All the pieces where still there. I picked them up and held them close to my heart. Physically the link was broken, but spiritaly the link to my grandfather, my ancestors, my divine inner being… it was not only intact… but embarking on a journey…

I had always wondered about guardian angels, and spirit guides that protect us. Animal guides that go to the extreme to show us the way. After this day… there was no more more wondering, I know they are with me.

It’s been years since the wreck and I am in my 7th year of post op surgery. I have done so much soul searching, unveiling wounds that caused scars on many levels…working through finding my true essence and true self.

My life is filled with many colors, as I worked through each color I stacked them on top of each other  to make a rainbow…the bridge that brought light to my life.

Before I could see the rainbow, I had to learn to appreciate the rain.

I am thankful for that wreck that changed my life… There was $14,000 dollars damage done to a $7,000 car… but the life lessons that came from that day… PRICELESS

They say I by all accounts I should have died that day… I say who are they to say?? God, has a plan for me, and It wasnt  the  day for me to leave this body…. I still have a lot to do in this life…But, I did make it through the storm and now I am on the far side of the sky…

Not Your EveryDay Super Hero!! Off saving the Whales!

Hands and Hearts that Heal....

July 06, 2011

As most of you know….. in my own journey to health and wellness, I have evolved into more of a holistic approach to life, and so has my blog. My life has become much simpler and it’s amazing how the little things excite me. So you can imagine my excitement when a big thing like a 1200 pound, 13 foot pilot whale comes into my life.

I first heard about the Pilot whales from my massage practicum teacher, Arynette Neal. She had gone down to volunteer and came back to school with the most amazing stories from her day. As soon as I heard her talk about it, I knew this was something I just had to do.

It’s pretty amazing what an experience like this can reflect to me.

My journey has evolved from a physical journey of healing my body from obesity to a holistic journey that includes not only body, but also mind and spirit. I try to view life experiences these days by keeping all three factors in sync.

The ride down to Key Largo itself was interesting. I’ve been wanting to go volunteer with the whales for a month and had put that out to the Universe. Each time I thought I would get to go, something happened. The first time I made plans to go the people I was going with could not make it. The second time the others also canceled but the night before I decided I would drive down alone.  Being single and an independent woman with a very strong will, I have driven many places alone.   Some people think thats nuts, some people think its brave… I think it’s a case of loving myself enough that I have the desire and will to live my life to the fullest.

I guess my desire and will was overruled that day because I woke up with a severe back ache, so I canceled. What I discovered is that they had to euthanize one of the whales that day because she had gotten worse and it was the humane thing to do. I understood why it wasn’t meant for me to be there now. I don’t think I would have handled that well.

But this day July 6..  I am on my way.  My friend Theresa arrived in the driveway at 9:00 sharp.  First was first of course as she filled up the tank with gas and she ran into Starbucks to fill up our tank with a large coffee with Soy milk.  I very rarely get Starbucks now, but when I do I am grateful and it reminds me to not take for granted even the little things in life.

Back in the car we are South bound on the Florida Turnpike with Kid Rock blaring on the radio. Theresa and I are both singing out loud “I was BORRRRNN Free”…

Only a few obstacles such as taking a wrong turn and getting off the turn pike, and then a huge rainstorm presented themselves. However, we were on a mission and felt like two superheros that day. We didn’t argue who was Isis and who was wonderwoman LOL. We were just two superheros on a mission. 🙂

I think I was Isis though, she has a pet Bird!

As we arrived at the Marine Mammal Conservancy area I could feel my heart speed up and I got chills all over. I was so excited to be doing this. Don’t get me wrong, I am very saddened that the whales were beached and stranded. However since they were, I want to do anything I can to help them.

Once we signed in we put on wetsuits. Hello.. have you ever tried to put on a wet, wetsuit? People, I don’t wear pantyhose for a reason. My body by nature’s design is thicker on the bottom, I get pantyhose to my knees and its like wrestling with a bear. Well, that is nothing beside putting on a wetsuit.

So I stand there for 5 minutes struggling with the suit, its a full on battle and I stop to take a breath. Thats when I realize 5 minutes of FIGHTING like a banchee and the wetsuit is just at my knees. I grab hold and start to pull, NOTHING. Finally a lady who is a full time volunteer comes to me and says, I can help you but I will have to stand behind you and stick my hands down the back of the suit and pull up, is that ok?

IS THAT OK??? PLEASE DO!! This is where it hits me, I am standing outside in the wide open, wearing just a bathing suit. I have lost that feeling of being embarrassed about my body or that self body image factor that I carried for so long. Then suddenly I hear her grunt out loud and she strains to pull up the, wet wetsuit.

I laughed out loud but finally I was in. Then I grab a pair of dive booties and wait my turn. Very quickly I was called into a secondary position on the whale. My job to hold the right side of her 400 pound tail above water and to take a sponge and keep her dorsal fin wet. Don’t get excited, I know it seems like too much to lift but keep in mind she is in water. That makes holding her up the easy part, but keeping her spine straight so her blow hole doesn’t go under water when she breathes, now that is a different story.

This is where I think to myself I want to just pinch the whale because this moment is hard to believe, but it is myself I want to pinch. I am fully aware this could have never been possible for me when I was 385 pounds.

It took me a minute to fully come into the moment.  I mean, I am holding a whale. The “inner child” is dancing and screaming out loud… I AM HOLDING A WHALE. Yet, the adult me has to be in control here and realize this is not play, this is serious.

It’s time for her assessment by the Veterinarian. All the people who are working here are volunteers. The love and compassion flows in abundance and the energy is amazing. Dr. Micah Brodsky comes into the water to assess Pilot Whale #300. He talks to her and her nose pops up from the water. YES, she does recognize people, and yes she has a personality. She is more aware of her surroundings and her situation than many people are aware of their own situations.

Today is not good day for the whale, as Dr. Brodsky listens to her lungs with  stethoscope he finds her lower lung lobes to be quite full. We, the volunteers and Dr. Brodsky give her a nebulizer treatment to loosen up the congestion in her lungs. With each breath she brings up drainage from her lungs.

You see, this is not play time and swim with the whales. We have a 1,200 pound sick baby in our hands and she is still critical. Its obvious to me that she is surrounded by people who are volunteering their time, expertise but mainly their love and compassion. That is is what is helping her heal.

Later in the shift we also got to see #300 exercise by swimming around the holding area chasing one of the staff volunteers. He would smack the water holding a bucket of fish in his hand and she would swim after him. After she exercised  she got to eat the fish. But, then we hold her as a tube is put in her mouth that she swallows that gives her hydration and medicine.

It was an amazing experience for me, and I pondered it, took it in, processed it and integrated it into my being.

I remember a time when I could not wait to go to Key West, Key Largo or any of those sunfilled island areas. I santed to sit on the beach in a hammock and sip on margarita’s from the Tiki bar..this is experience was so far from those earlier hopes and dreams. My mind tells me how far my body and spirit have evolved on this journey home.

 

Until next time #300… until next time

 

 

Everythings Going to BE Allright Thats Been ALL Wrong!

Still Counting Blessings

June 21, 2011

Each day I continue to work on healing my life MIND~BODY~SPIRIT… wellness for me depends on being whole. Sometimes I enjoy going back to reflect on life and realize how far I have come. Sucess is defined by the individual seeking it, not by those who are looking in from the outside.

Today means something different for many people, and for some it’s just another day. Officially it’s the first day of summer and the Summer Solstice. I started my day today by waking up early and heading out to the ocean, I am blessed in the fact that its a short drive away and it the front row of sunrise is a free ticket for those who find serenity in the lightshow.

This morning as I sat in the sand letting the waves lap over me, I reflected back to my life a few years back. Three years ago this July 5th I embarked on a new venture that I had no idea where it would lead. I had experienced some dark areas and was searching desperately for answers. I wont go into a lot of details here, because that will be another chapter…for another time. Lets just say I had been looking for answers to life in the bottom of a bottle. I had managed to trade my “medication” of food in and had started “medicating” with alcohol.

It’s not something I am proud of, nor am I ashamed of it really. It happened, it was obviously something I needed to face and overcome and I did.

What stuck out to me this morning was that rainy July 5th, 2008.. the storms were horrific, the rain was so hard I could barely see to drive. All the traffic lights were out and I got out of the car the parking lot was knee high with water, I took off my 5 inch, Italian Black patent leather pumps and walked barefoot through the water with umbrella. I was determined I was going to change my life. I knew in my heart, I had not undergone the knife and had bariatric surgery only to transfer my food addiction for alcohol…

This was my first day EVER of therapy… and you must understand… I walked into that office HATING therapist. I felt as if they lived up to their title “The-Rapist” and even told my therapist my feelings about that.  I am sure she realized that first day that she had her work cut out for her in me. I also told her I was giving her 6 weeks to “fix me” thats about all I had time for with my busy work schedule.

My Halo is being Held up with Sunrays

She LAUGHED, I did not. Yet, I continued even after those 6 weeks were over to make the 30 minute drive once a week to her office. Each visit learning something new about me and what I wanted in life… and learning how to go within my own self to find answers and comfort.. rather than looking for comfort in food, or a bottle or in others.

Crystal Cove California....Here Comes The SUN

The first visit she asked me if I ever spend any time outdoors. Take time to sit on the beach and relax, reflect or think. I LAUGHED, no I work 6 days a week and a couple evenings a week doing support groups. How do you support yourself she asked.  I just stared at her. She gave me a homework assignment of “GETTING OUT IN THE SUN and enjoying life” and as I left she said “oh and wear sunscreen” As you can see, I accepted the challenge and now its hard to get me out of the sun 😉

Sunshine has a different meaning for everyone... To me it's God's way of sending love to the world

One of the things I have reflected on today is that during great struggles and adversities is where I often find my greatest strengths and where I learn to overcome the most and I GROW tremendously. I am in a humbled state of gratitude today for the many blessings in my life…

I would like to add here that I made it so much farther than 6 weeks in my therapy, my goal was to get back to a point where I could have a glass of wine from time to time without losing control. I much succeeded that, because once I met my goal, I realized I really did not want to drink at all. Today I am alcohol free. I embrace a new healthy lifestyle. Addictions stem from fear… I have learned to replace fear with love 😉

The energy today is perfect for letting go of the things that no longer serve us, its perfect for setting the intention of moving forward and manifesting great things in our lives. Get outdoors and get some sun time in… oh and wear sunscreen

Hugs
Teresa

Lady Rainbow

June 18th, 2011

One of the things I have learned on this journey is the importance of honoring “self”! We are always really quick to honor others in our life.  I am fortunate that I am in school that supports honoring self, I get lots of massages and facials 😉

Going back to school is leading me in a new career direction and I have to say, I am excited. Massage therapy has so many facets to explore and one of the things I am recognizing that I am drawn to is becoming a certified Doula. When I was in Mexico, I was fascinated by IXChel (see article about her below) … and recently I found a painted portrait of her and my friend Nicole Buckley sent a message and suggested  to paint her in exchange for some of my “jewelry art”.  I was more than excited to make that exchange. Here is my final portrait named “Lady Rainbow”.

MIND~ BODY~SPIRIT One of the things I am realizing as I write this article is how much I have changed and shifted in my career. In 1989 when I was in training for my LPN I had to be present in the delivery for a baby’s birth. Yes, it was in the hospital setting. Oddly enough I was eating spaghetti when I got paged that “my” baby was coming. I got there just in time but being 18 years old, I found childbirth to be traumatic. More of a pushing cattle through a gate. Only the “cattle” was a baby coming into the world and its mama. I got sick watching it, and had to throw up. It was absolutely a combination of seeing the rushed, hurriedness of delivery and the lights and the spaghetti. But needless to say I had on a surgical mask and threw up in my own face LOL. I swore I would never have kids nor would I ever work in labor and delivery…… so another reason to never say never LOL.

Today my views have changed drastically and I look forward to working with women to be calm, comfortable and feel at ease as they deliver their precious babies…not rushed and hurried.

 

Hugs

Teresa

Mayan Goddess of Fertility Moon Goddess Lady Rainbow

I am going to take great care hanging her on my wall to honor my new career path….

As an ancient fertility goddess, Ix-Chel was responsible for sending rain to nourish the crops. When fulfilling that function she was called “Lady Rainbow”.  She helped insure fertility by overturning her sacred womb jar so that the waters would flow.

Though sometimes depicted as a goddess of catastrophe (the woman who stands by as the world floods), many of her myths show her in a more benevolent light—as a goddess who refused to become a victim of oppression.

This was a woman who, when faced with adversity, took charge of her life and turned it around!

Ix-Chel was almost too beautiful, this girl with opalescent skin who sat in the skies brushing her shimmering hair for hours on end.  All the gods were captivated by her. All but one, that is.

Kinich Ahau, the Sun God, seemed immune to Ix-Chel’s charms. Yet he was the only one she really ever wanted. For years she had longed for him as she watched him glide across the sky in all his golden splendor.

But the more Ix-Chel followed him around, the worse the weather on earth became. As she chased after him the tides would rise, creating floods that inundated the fields and caused the crops to die. So enamored was she, that Ix-Chel did not even notice the havoc she was causing. 

Like many moon goddesses Ix-Chel was a fine weaver, and it was the beautiful cloth she wove that finally captured Kinich Ahau’s attention. Soon they had become lovers.

Ix-Chel bore the Sun God four sons. They were the jaguar gods and could creep through the night unseen. They were named for the four directions, and each one was responsible for holding up his corner of the sky.

Unfortunately Ix-Chel’s love affair with the Sun God drew the ire of her disapproving grandfather. In his anger he struck Ix-Chel with lightning, killing her. For the next 183 days she lay lifeless as hundreds of dragonflies surrounded her body and sang to her. Waking suddenly, she returned to the palace of the Sun God.

Their relationship was turbulent—Kinich Ahau had a suspicious nature and was often consumed with jealousy. To make matters worse, he also had a fiery temper. Suspecting that the innocent Ix-Chel was having an affair with his brother (the Morning Star), Kinich Ahau threw her out of the sky.

Ix-Chel quickly found refuge with the vulture gods. Hearing this, Kinich Ahau rushed to plead with her to return and promised never to treat her so poorly again. Little time passed before he became jealous and abusive again.

Finally Ix-Chel realized he was not going to change. She decided to leave him for good. Waiting until he fell asleep, she crept out into the night, taking the form of a jaguar and becoming invisible whenever he came searching for her.

Many nights she spent on her sacred island (Cozumel) nursing women during their pregnancies and childbirth. Ix-Chel, like other moon goddesses, governed women’s reproductive systems so it was quite understandable that she would become the protector of women during pregnancy and labor.

The small Isla Mujeres (“Island of Women”) was devoted to the worship of Ix-Chel. Comfortable with all phases of life, she was honored as the weaver of the life cycle. She protected the fertility of women and was also the keeper of the souls of the dead.

Ix-Chel encourages us to acknowledge the negative forces affecting our lives. And she prompts us to assert ourselves fully in the face of physical or emotional violence that would diminish our sense of self.

Halos and Horns… Sinners and Saints.. We Struggle Through Life Worrying What’s Wrong and Ain’t

June 17,2011

You know , I have always been a little to good to be really, really bad… but then too, I have always been a little to bad to be really, really good.

The fact of life is this, sometimes no matter what we do in life people are going to assume, make judgements and falsely accuse others. When people point fingers at others, what is really going on in their mind? After all, don’t we try to change, and don’t we criticize in others what we don’t like in our own mirror reflection?

Extend Gentle Love and Kindness to Others

Yesterday I sat down at the desk to send my beautiful grandsons a video from G’m TT. I was a little emotional afterward,  my grandson Zea Rafael is growing up fast and I had watched him play guitar and sing on FB, Cruz is having surgery on June 28 and he is just a baby and the Kota oh he is giving his mom a run for the money. As I loaded it on FB for the girls to show the babies, I saw a message from Beth aka Melting Mama…. Teresa Where Are you?

O-o  You must understand, Beth and I have history. This year the ASMBS convention was held in Orlando, only a few hours from my home. This was my first year not going in the last 5 years, and in the past 5 years many friendships and bonds were created. So I sat here over the past week and thought about friends and acquaintances of course I was happy for them being there, but wanted to see them all the same. So when Beth posted that? I answered and when I found out she and Rachel were driving South, I was so excited. She typed wanna meet up? They were on their way to Miami, SOUTH BEACH.

I turned to look outside at my car, that is sitting there on EMPTY and said to the Universe ohhhhh I need a ride. Next thing I knew our friend Haven was online ready to meet up, too. Trust me when I say I am so blessed to have people in my life that I can say… CAN I BUM A RIDE PLEASE?

Everyday I am reminded I may not have money but I am RICH beyond measure

Pretty soon all 4 of us had gotten together so we could ride to Miami, when we realized there was no plan… this was a total random meet up. We talked for a few minutes then Haven’s Orange Chakra colored Camero with the stick shift to find us an ocean for photographs.. and well… lets just say…

Four post ops all at at different stages of their journey, all with things going on in our lives, feelings trying to surface yet wanting to dive beneath the surface, our only addiction is coffee and that doesnt really medicate our life lessons. So we laugh in the car, we talk in the car and we lean on each other. We pull up to a redlight and a homeless man holding a cardboard sign laughs with us, and we give him a dollar. The four souls in this bright orange camaro recognize that this situation could happen to any of us. Being homeless does not define the man, his personality shines through. We laugh with him and send him well wishes.

Never say never

Then off to the ocean we go. Rachel and Beth laugh they both say FLorida is not what they expected. They have heard all these stories of the lush and lavish and fancy, but yes… we have the poor, poverty stricken and homeless too. Fort Lauderdale is a melting pot and you find everything from Millionaire Mile to Homeless Park Bench attendants. It’s amazing each of us in the car, has our own story playing out in our lives. Yet, we have the capacity to extend to not only the 4 sisters in the car, but the other people in the Universe we are coming into contact with.

As we cross the Intracoastal waterway, we see a restaurant called The Bearded Clam.. and oh my do the camera’s start flashing and I realize before the day is over… Immgonnabeeatingfish…

No one was prepared for a swim really, but as Rachel stood on the edge of the water allowing the waves to crash against her feet she just sort of fell on in… so what’s us girls to do? We don’t want Rach to fill out of place being the only one wet and all, so one by one we take the plung. 🙂

Having faith I am loved and supported by the Universe I take the plunge in gratitude and to think what some call my fall from GRACE is my PLUNGE into the never ending supply of LOVE and Grace of the Universe ~

After frolicking around, laughing like children and letting go of a LOT of build up stress… playing in the sand, writing in the sand and letting the waves wash it all away we realize we only put 4 quarters in the meeter and if they tow the car.. we are all walkin!

When you need a friend you can LEAN ON ME...

It was hard to leave…

Time stands still and hearts mend when friendships extend a hand and heart to others

Let me just ask you...does it look like I care what it looks like that i am grown and fully clothed and laying on the beach letting the waves crash around me?? Just sayin

The Sky is Green and the Grass is Blue... its been too long since we got to see you.

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I’ll meet you …there. When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.”
— Rumi

Life Guards on Duty...

She came to my office for therapy on her head, I said sit down and let me adjust your brain. Within seconds she had a smile on her face...

Obviously this is where I do my best work... can I please have this as my permanent office?

We dropped some more change in the meeter and walked to a dive and talked for hours. The food definitely not 5 star, but the company we keep got 7 stars. When sisters come together to hold a space in their heart, others can heal and make a fresh start.

We ate at a Dive called The Bearded Clam, they said it is a good place to eat out. Sounded a bit fishy to me!

Some say we must drink way to much to act like such fools, but we laugh and giggle as we realize those who point their fingers and talk this way are just in their own little prison. Not a sip of alcohol was to be had, no trouble or problems not even a slight ruckus was raised. Matter of fact, we gave a dollar to a homeless man, and fed a stray cat. So if you chose to believe we do bad deeds, maybe if you look in your mirror the villian in your thoughts you will see. Is your life filled joy, your heart beats with love and with light? If you say that its so, and you feel that its true, you understand in your soul that our spirits are free. The best friends to have are the ones who listen and hear, without judgement and fear..

We Celebrate Mind, Body and Soul so our hearts can mend and our lives become WHOLE!

Always a Hand UP, Never a hand OUT... always filled with Love

You Said Lunatic Like It’s a BAD Thing???

June 15th, 2011

First some breaking news today is a Full Lunar Eclipse day and also a full moon… ~~~ )0(

Now for some of you, that means absolutely not a darn thing, and that’s ok too. For some of you if you work in the hospital like I did for many years you know it’s going to be a busy night. Patient falls, codes, patients up confused in the middle of the night running around streakin. Yeah, it happens. If you work ER, it’s gonna be packed, if you work labor and deliver every baby within a 100 mile radius will be born.

Planting seeds by the Moonlight

 

For me this is a special time in my life, the energy of the full moon is making it a perfect time for letting go of things. Things like old ideas, old thoughts, old thought patterns, old programming that no longer serves my higher self. I have been on a journey, well let’s face it the day we are  born we begin our journey….but I have been aware of it for awhile now on some level or another. Sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously.

Being on this great quest to recreate a beautiful life for myself, I have been spending a lot of time working through all these things. So here is my list of things I am purging, or cleaning out today… getting rid of all the dark stuff and getting ready for a life of light and peace. Here comes the sun~~

 

MIND:

The old negative thought that I want to purge today is “I have made so many mistakes WHY bother?”

I am the only one who sometimes feels that way? Come on surely someone out there has started a diet and cheated one day and just given up and said why bother? Or maybe you started an exercise program and didn’t have time to exercise one day so the next day you said, why bother? Maybe it was something as simple as I am going to think only positive thoughts but the next time that fool cut you off in traffic and the road rage seeped from your mouth, you asked, why bother?

Sound familiar?

Well, here is to a new attitude. Each moment is a new moment and we can live in the now and always start fresh. We are beautiful souls and believe me that’s WHY BOTHER!

BODY:

Have you ever gone to the mirror and said OH WHAT A MESS? My hair is a mess, I am not wearing makeup, my body is all lumpy and I look like cottage cheese?

Sheeze, what a mental image? Do you that to other people? Or just your  reflection? Do you say to others, no you like fine just the way you are? You are beautiful naturally? What do you want others to say to you? How about we start a new plan? Each and every person you walk up to from here on out, you look them in the eye and say hello. Say something nice. It’s a nice day isn’t it? What a beautiful smile you have today. Before you know it people are going to be smiling and our life is going to be filled with compliments and happy vibes.

SPIRIT:

Let the spirit move you…. have you let go lately? I mean really let go and just BE?

Have you ever been out with friends, maybe some of them were dancing? But, you sit in the corner and watch. Maybe they were singing karaoke but you stubbed up and said, I can’t sing.. well honey neither can most of them, but its fun. Then the ones who can sing, you get to say wow, what a blessing hearing that.

In the long run, lots of laughs and smiles were had by all.

Isn’t time we all let go of the negative thinking? Isn’t time for us to FLY?

Hugs

Teresa

You Are NOT What You Weigh

June 14, 2011

Let Your Light Shine

I’ve been tempted to jump on the scale. To see what the number shows, and honestly part of my holistic plan is to allow the idea that I am not a number on a scale, not a number on a BMI chart or a number on the tag of my clothes, to sing from my brain to my heart.

Most of my life has evolved around what the number on the scale reflected back to me. It is time to release the need for that number to be at a certain point. Where did this idea originate? Let me tell you some memories that I have stored in my brain…

1. I was about 7 and some family members were visiting my mom and dad. My paternal grandfather had died, and everyone was in a rush to get ready for the funeral. My dad told my uncle to pick me up and see how heavy I was. He said I was a little chunk… oh.. that was not a happy thing and it hurt my feelings greatly. Now, I don’t believe my dad was trying to be malicious, but my little heart was very tender and sensitive.

2. In second grade Chuckie Saunders called me fat in the homeroom class, and I punched him in the nose and made it bleed. It didn’t matter that I would get in trouble, I was defending my honor.

3. In fifth grade it was time for the annual Four H camp registration, now being a nature lover I was all excited to stay in the woods for a week on the Delaware tribe and battle for the honor of holding the spirit stick. I was in 5th grade and was as tall as I am now and wore a 34C bra, and had already laid a lovely foundation for these woman hips I am blessed with. My dad insisted I weigh 11o pounds before I could go to camp. I cried.

4. Going back to second grade one day during lunch we had peanuts and raisins. I love raisins, so everyone who wasn’t eating their little snack of rasins and nuts I took it LOL. Sort of are you gonna eat that? NOPE. Can have it LOL. Needless to say before long I had a tray full of peanuts and raisins and only ate the raisins. Lovely Skippy Sizemore told the class to give me all the food they didn’t want I would eat anything.

5. I vividly remember throwing up in the girls bathroom in high school purging my lunch so I could fit in my prom dress.

Now Please don’t get me wrong here, this is not a bashing of people who I feel treated me badly. Truth is, my dads words were probably not intended the way my little tender young heart took them. When I was 7, his father had just died and he had a lot on his mind. When I was in 5th grade, well can you imagine having a 5th grader with a size 36 C bra for a week in the woods at a co-ed camp?

As for those boys, well what can I say? I do know now if I had of laughed it off, there came a time when those boys would have more than likely been chasing me… 😉

The problem is, I took some simple little things and let them turn into parasite’s in my mind. I fed the words and fueled a flame of doubt, insecurity and lack of self worth. All geared toward a number on a scale.

So what I am doing for my Mind Body and Spirit today? First of all realizing how far I have come without using a number to judge it.

MIND:

This past week I have gone into the deep crevices of my brain and mind and purged any negativity and negative thoughts. Ridding myself of self doubt, guilt, shame and anything or thought that no longer serves me. I am a beautiful person because my inner light outshines any outwardly appearance that I may or may not have. If people can’t see my inner light, it’s not my job to try to shine it in their face and prove it. I just need to be me.

BODY:

Instead of treating my body as a tiller used to plow through the hard spots, I have started treating it as a temple. A place where my inner divinity dwells. I feed my body healthy foods, clean water and nurture it with love and kindness. Allowing my body to heal.

SPIRIT:

Affirmation~~~ I am beautiful.

Do you measure your success or your weight loss success by a number? Be it a number on the scale, the size on your tag or the BMI reading? When did you start to focus on your weight?Looks? What are you doing to master your thoughts and direct your inner light in a positive manner for healing?

I’m A Member of the Country Club…

June 13, 2011

Holy cow what a difference I am seeing in my life, already. A little sunshine, some exercise, back to meditation on a regular basis, eating healthy and taking vitamins PLUS a lot of positive attitude and life is grand.

This morning my clock went off at 5am, and I got up and went out by the water to meditate, then for some yoga poses. As I was showering I was thinking about how good I feel these days.  My energy levels are up and my life is taking a turn in the right direction. As I stood in my shower I imagined all the negative thoughts and ideas washing down the drain, and I imagined a beautiful stream of water and light showering over me.  I blew my hair out, put on make up and ran around the house nakkid for a bit while I drank a hot cup of CLICK Espresso drink mixed with Inspire Dutch Chocolate Cake protein… As I sipped each drink of protein I visioned me taking the protein in and visioned it keeping me strong and healthy. I vision myself light and healthy, thin and well. I smiled as I drank the protein and send love and gratitude to not only the persons that sent it to me, but the people that create these protein drinks for us bariatric post ops.

“This perfect job is looking for me”~Affirmation

I put on my uniform and headed out to meet My teacher Miss Carla and the other “kids” at school. Today I was the only Freshmen attending the event, everyone else was Seniors. First, I felt quite privleged to be earning INTERNSHIP hours as someone who is in MOD 2 second I got to hang out with the KEWL kids ;)…We drove up to the Boca COuntry club for a GOlf tournament event. Let me tell you this, there were a ton of handsome Bellos, nicely dressed and looking fine. I had my flirt on full volume LOL. I do have admit my Southern accent is well received in that community. I felt quite lovely as the other “kids” watched and laughed as one man talked to me for his entire massage, before it was done I knew his entire life story. He kept asking about my accent and we all got a nice laugh.

After our volunteer work was done, the Country Club provided us with the most amazing luncheon. The theme was World Fair, and there were stations with Greek, Jewish, Japanese, and many other foods. There was an omlet station where they cooked the omlet to your order in front of you. A yogurt bar, a coffee bar, a fruit bar, a pastry bar, and honestly I lost track of all the food LOL. They even had steak and eggs, french toast, french croissants and Belgium waffles. LOL. I wanted a bite of everything, and managed to eat a bucket of blackberries. YES the other “kids” got a kick out of that LOL.

Were arrived back at school by 1:00 PM and I did an hour of bone labs (we have a HUGE test tomorrow) and I did 2 and 1/2 hours of practicum then studied some and back to night class for a Massage Lab class. I am amazed at my energy levels.

I never dreamed that at the age of 40, I would be back in school building a new life. I have to admit, at first I just sat and stared as the door closed to my old career and old life. I wasn’t really open to creating a new life, I could not imagine myself being anything but in the field of bariatrics. I was taking Gods clay and trying to sculpt myself into what I wanted, and he had a different plan for me all together, and I didnt want to listen. So, everything happens for a reason.

I have visions of using this massage therapy work as a stepping stone, and I intend to study eastern medicine. I am still young with many good years ahead of me to do what I love…

Today I have exercised mind, body and spirit.. and life is good.

Some of my classmates and I at the Golf Tournament

Off to See the Wizard to ask…WHO THE HELL AM I??

July 12, 2011

This will be another blog post where I throw MIND BODY AND SPIRIT in a pressure cooker and whatever spews out spews out.

It’s funny how my mind’s idea of what is going on, is different than my spirits, and the battle is reeking havock on my poor body. I suppose many that is the case for many of us at some point in our lives. There is no doubt in my mind the time it has taken me to travel the short 18 inch distance from my mind to my heart is overwhelming. But, I am no where near ready to give up and throw in the towel.

I’m sitting here today having Revival SOy Ranch Nibbles and a Isogenix Isolean creamy vanilla protein shake for lunch. My thoughts are all over the place. I am very thankful to have protein and vitamins and it is due to some wonderful people in my life who believe in me, want to encourage me and help me elevate to a new place in my life. I had gone for a couple of months without protein or vitamins and right now while I continue to search for a job, I am on unemployment and living at a friends house. Let me tell you some of my greatest lessons over the past year. I have been a person full of pride all my life, proud of myself for doing the best I could and not asking others for help, proud of myself for working myself up the job ladder to positions I would have only dreamed of in West VIrginia. Proud of being able to take care of myself and not having to rely or search for someone to take care of me.

People would say to me God doesnt want you to be “pride” filled but rather filled with love. Well, let’s face it, I felt like I was pretty loving person. I loved my family, my firends, my job, my children, grandchildren, my car, my apartment, my places and people I hung out with. I loved to travel, have fun and enjoy life. I thought I was full of love.

If you would have asked me 2 years ago tell tell you about myself I would have proudly said “I am Teresa White, and I live in Fort Lauderdale on the Intracoastal and I am the mother of Megan and Leesa and I have beautiful grandboys.  I am the director of a bariatric company, where I teach others about the bariatric post op life and how to adjust to it, I am a speaker and presenter at Surgeons support groups, and other bariatric events in the United States. I lost over 235 pounds with by having bariatric surgery and I have kept it off by walking the walk and talking the talk. I love Italian Leather Red Patent Leather purses and the highest heeled shoes I can find. I only smashbox make up and nothing is as exciting as jumping on a plane to Vegas or another country a living it up, sipping a glass of wine and watching the sunset.

One year ago if you would have asked the same question I would have said “I am Teresa White and I live on the Intracoastal waterway, my children and my grandsons Zea, Cruz and Dakota have my heart but my body and mind are working each day to climb a corporate ladder, to try to convince not only my managers but the world to see in me what I see in myself. I am a writer, my blog, writing magazine articles and my hopes of someday writing a book pull at my soul. My job is to sell bariatric vitamins, my passion is to bring hope and inspiration to the bariatric community so that the vitamins combined with sharing the truths both up and down of bariatric surgery may help the community to heal. I get to travel many miles with my job and meet many people. I am beginning to hate high heels and would prefer to fly to Coasta Rica and get one of those hand woven bags made of bright colorful threads.

Six months ago I would have said  I am UNEMPLOYED, I no longer work and even though I am putting in applications like crazy I am not having any luck. I have lost my apartment and I am struggling to keep my car, I am behind on my bills and I owe everyone it seems. Not only can I not see the light I cant even see the top of the barrel any longer. There is no color in my world, I am living in a friends spare room and I feel helpless.My children and my grandsons are the ONLY thread helping me hang on to life. I am lonely and frightened, ashamed of my current life and situation and feeling guilty for letting my friends and family down.

We are not defined by our jobs, our clothes, our house, or our money.

But, if you ask me right now, I will tell you.. I am full of piss and vinegar LOL. Now in the country that just means spunk and life. I am ready to tackle the challenged laid before me. I am still putting in applications, and looking for a job, but in the meanwhile I am laying the foundation for my future. I am enrolled in Massage therapy classes and I LOVE SCHOOL, and learning. I want to learn how to do equine massage and work with race horses to help them heal and be painfree during the race, I want to learn how to do lymphatic massage, and work in pallitive care to help ease the pain of those who are terminally ill, I want to do pregnancy and infant massage and teach mothers how to massage their infants and how important bonding is. I want to geriatric massage so I can comfort those who are elderly and alone. I want to study Eastern medicine and become an acupuncturist, I want to teach all the while continuing to grow and learn  myself. I am blessed to be staying with wonderful people during this journey who have helped me in ways that are too valuable for words. I am in gratitude and my heart is swelling each day from the gratitude.

I am a mother, grandmother, daughter, granddaughter, friend, sister, student, teacher, lover, fighter, I am many things…

When I got to the wizard and asked who am I?  I heard the funniest laugh… somewhat like a cackle. I just stood speechless. I waited for the wizard to stop laughing and then I heard “I am not  a Witch, I am YOU”

This is where truth, hits reality, light comes to dark, healing comes to pain.. and my vision changed. I realized none of us are separate. Just like the fingers on a hand we are all unique and have specific jobs or functions, descriptive markings, but each finger is part of a hand, that connects to a arm and then a body and it keeps going outward.

At any moment any one of us could lose our job, our family, our friends, our money, or our health, and on the flip side anyone of us could at any moment could win the lottery, be discovered for our unique talent, find the love of our life.

Last year for my 40th birthday I was gifted with about 25 Starbucks cards. Ranging any where from 5-25 dollars on each gift card. Now keep in mind last year I was working everyday and took my Starbucks “fetish” for granted. I did not hesitate to stop and grab one when I wanted one. I was drinking the tricked out multishot, extra of this and that blah blah and my bill was generally about $5. One day, as I drove down the street from my Intracoastal condo, I saw a homeless lady who was always hanging out with her shopping buggy at the gas station where I would get gas. I asked her if she wanted to go for coffee, that I had Starbucks cards and we could go grab one.

Of course I few things I did not think about, that would leave her “cart” unattended and it held everything she owned. her clothes ect, and second I don’t think she really even knew what “Starbucks” meant. But I may be wrong. Her answer left me with my mouth wide open. “I can’t get in the car with you, I dont know you that well”

Sigh… I learned so much from the Lighthouse point bag lady, I wrote a blog about her back then, and even today she is still bringing such light to my life with her courage and determination.

“The wizard said to me… you are love, compassion and empathy… You have light to bring to the world, you just have to open your eyes and recognize that for yourself. ”

Gotta love the wizard…. there is no place like home…and the heart is the hub of all things sacred, that is where I want to live out the rest of my days.