My friend Sylvia and I.....


Michelle is always acting up 🙂


Dawn, myself and Sylvia.... photo by Dawn Goldstein

Henna me???


Sylvia is a designer... she created her own tattoo....


Learning the culture


The end of a beautiful weekend...



A few months ago I signed up to walk my first 5K. Not just any 5k, but the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer 5K in South Florida. The seed was planted when my teacher Arynette Neal told me about the walk, and that she and another friend Amy Mills were walking. I wanted to walk for the cure, too.  At the time I was living in Rebeca Forrsel’s home and wanted to do something good and positive for Beca and all she was doing for me, like providing a space for me to stay while I attended massage school.  Beca’s mom had died years ago from breast cancer and many times Beca had shared with me HERSTORY.

Can you see the LOVE?

That night after class I went home and signed on to walk. My team name Miss Dolly Walks, my consisted of me who would put on the Pink Bra and walk my first 5K and my blog readers and FB page members and other friends. Donations started coming in, the seed was being nurtured and growing.

Even the "youngin's" walked...making strides against breast cancer

During the months that I raised money for the walk, I got to hear a lot of HERSTORY. Many of the people who donated ARE survivors, others family members of people affected with Breast Cancer. This led me to ask myself why I am so “touched” by this DIS-ease.  Who in my family had battled breast cancer? In my immediate family parents, grandparents, sibling, aunts and uncles, I don’t recall anyone being diagnosed with it.

When I worked in home health I had a patient with breast cancer that had a bilateral mastectomy. Her cancer was severe and it seemed they had cut her flesh away to the bone. When I would go to her home to change her dressing, and do wound assessments ect, I would imagine that with each touch, I would cause her no pain, but help her wounds to heal. Generally while I was doing the visit itself I would hold a straight face. On the drive to my next patients home, I would cry.  My prayers were not answered and my beautiful young patient died, leaving behind a husband, and a young daughter. HERSTORY will always live in my heart, and so with love that I gave and received with each visit to her home.

Paving the Way for a CURE.

Every year at Christmas since 2006 I have made a donation for breast cancer research. I have done so in a womans name that I have never met. She died before I met her. Her daughter and I were very close friends, and when my friend and I would travel, we would always say her mom was traveling with us in spirit. Over those years I learned both of ther HERSTORY’s, and how their lives were affected by breast cancer.Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take…but by the moments that take our breath away!
 Breast Cancer affects many… not just the person with cancer, but also their families, and those who love them.
As I drove to Downtown Los Olas, seeing the beautiful yachts, and the water of Florida’s amazing inter -coastal. I realized how I see things through different eyes now. It’s been awhile since I have gone to Los Olas, but when I used to go, it was for an expensive hair cut in the salon,  eating at a fancy 5 star restaurant, a day of watching yachts float by (dreaming of owning one someday), or attending an open house of one of the local mansions (again dreaming of owning one someday).

My Life at it's finest.. isn't about money, it's about love...

 This visit to Los Olas would be different…this time instead of thinking about how someday if I work hard enough I might have enough money to live in a mansion, drive a Mercedes, and own a Yacht….it would be about my authentic self, and what I stand for in life.
When I arrived at the park, I could not find my friends, probably because I was running a little late. It didn’t stop me though I walked anyhow, beside many people who were making  HERSTORY.  There people of many nations there, I saw men, women, children of all ages, and even a couple of dogs. I felt like I was hearing people’s stories, without even a word being said.

Front of her sign says "Doing it for Deb" Back of the sign says I AM DEB! She is making HERSTORY

2 Males, father and son, angel wings, and Breast cancer awarness ribbons... I Believe they too are telling "HERSTORY"

Why did I walk? I walked for the empowerment of women (and those men diagnosed with the disease) all over the world as they fight this DIS-ease and heal.

Thank you to those who sponsored me, your kindness was so appreciated. I will walk again.
My team Miss Dolly Walks raised nearly $500., it consisted of me walking with traveling Dolly, and all of YOU who donated to the cause or supported the team in other ways.
Thank You To My Donors!
Beth Brilla Reta Joanne Smith
Kathy & Rich Wiedemann Liese
Marcia H Kaplan Mary Kennerly
Mrs. Claudia Ezman Kujawski Susan and Gordon Teller
Beverley Mucciardi The Fagen Family
Tonia Parker 3 anonymous donors
Thanks to each of you…who gave money, or support during this campaign…

What do you Reflect to the World?

Once upon a time, not so long ago lived a woman with long raven hair and big brown eyes that had a barn yard filled with chickens. One day in the woman’s travels she came across an injured eaglet. The eaglet had been injured and was frightened and alone. The lady took the eaglet home and cared for it as best as she knew how. The woman was in awe of the eaglet’s strength and courage to survive; however, she just  did not know how to properly care for the eaglet. Afterall she had only cared for chickens, and an eagle required much more detail and precision care.  The woman did the only thing she knew to do and put the eaglet in the barnyard with the chickens.

The eaglet watched over the other birds in the barnyard. They acted as most chickens do. They strutted their chicken stuff, cackled their chicken sounds, and jerked their necks in the way only chickens can as they pecked for corn, grain and other assorted garbage from the ground.  All day long they strutted, cackled and pecked. From time to time they would gather in bunches and cackle more rudely if something displeased them. Otherwise, their little chicken lives followed a rather mindless routine.

Did you see the size of that CHICKEN?

The eaglet tried it’s best  to fit into the group but she was bigger than the other birds and appeared to be ackward, because no matter how hard she tried to strut like the others and jerk her neck… she “ALWAYS” did it wrong.

I Believe I can fly... I believe I can touch the sky

The others laughed and ridiculed the eaglet. “Look at her…who does she think she is? She’s strange…she’s weird…she’s a FREAK!” These words made the “strange bird” sad and caused her to cry a great deal.

One day a sage lady with much love and kindness came across the eaglet and immediately noticed something special bout the bird and started to talk to her. “What are you doing in the barnyard with the chickens?” she asked the eaglet.

The eaglet replied, “I live here, but I don’t feel like I belong here!”, replied the eaglet. “I am so sad.”

“It’s no wonder you’re sad.” “You don’t belong here YOU my dear are an EAGLE!!! Why don’t you fly away and leave this place?”the lady answered in a calming voice.

“FLY??? I don’t know how to fly!!” replied the strange bird that was really and EAGLE.

“It’s simple, replied the lady, “You just flap your wings and take to the sky.”

So the next day and for three years thereafter the eagle flapped her wings and tried to become airborne, but, it didn’t work. Now matter how hard the eagle flapped her wings she could not get off the ground for more than a few feet at the time. The eagle felt she was doomed to strut around the barn and eat scraps for the rest of her life. She was sad.

One day the sage lady asked, “Why are you still among the chickens?”

“I flapped my wings like you told me but nothing happened. I’ll never be able to fly!”, replied the eagle.

“Nonsense!!!” said the lady, “Show me what you have been doing!”

So the eagle did her chicken walk and flapped her wings wildly and the lady chuckled in exasperation. “I see what the problem is, YOU are an eagle….you have to look UP!” , she exlaimed! “You’re destined for the mountain, not this lowly barnyard. Raise your head and fly toward the heavens and the sun. Stretch your wings and let the wind lift you!”

And so the eagle did as she was told. She lifted her head and looked toward the sun.  It warmed her, yet frightened her, but she kept looking up in spite of her fear.  Then she began to flap her wings.

ONE…TWO…THREE times and suddenly she soared up into the heavens, past the tree tops up to a mountain top where she perched on a majestic peak and scanned the world with her keen eyes and loving spirit.

The End~

Teresa Dunn

The moral of the story is if we strut around all our lives trying to be what everyone else says we should be, we will never get the chance to fly….

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was
blind.  She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He
was always there for her. He loved her unconditionally.

One day the blind girl told her boyfriend, ‘If I
could only see the world, I will marry you.’

Alas, the day come when someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the
bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including
her boyfriend.

He asked her, ‘Now that you can see the world, will you
marry me?’ The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that
he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids frightened & shocked her.
She hadn’t expected that. The thought of looking at them
the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to
her saying: ‘Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for
before they were yours, they were mine.’

A gift of vision he had given her, and yet to him it revealed her true colors.

This is how the human mind often works when our status
changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before,
and who was always by their side in the most painful

Life Is a Gift, Love is a CHOICE

So, before you say an unkind word – Think of someone who
can’t speak. Send them love instead.

Before you complain about the taste of your food – Think of
someone who has nothing to eat. Send them love to nourish their soul.

Before you complain about your husband or wife – Think of
someone who’s crying out to GOD for a companion. Send them love to comfort them.

Before you complain about being alone and lonely- Think of those who are trapped in abusive relationships searching desperately a way out. Send them love so they might find peace.

Today before you complain about life – Think of someone who
died too early on this earth. Send their spirit and their loved ones love.

Before you complain about your children – Think of someone
who desires children but they’re barren. Send them love so they may find and embrace their inner child.

Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn’t
clean or sweep – Think of the families who are living in the
streets. Send them love so they might fin comfort.

Before whining about the distance you drive Think of
someone who walks the same distance with their feet. Send them love.

And when you are tired and complain about your job – Think
of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had
your job or any job. Send them love, so they may find abundance.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning
another – Remember that not one of us is perfect. Send them love. They are reflecting to you.. Love YOU.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down – Put a
smile on your face and think: you’re alive and still
around. Send love to the world and to yourself… Fill your heart and soul with love so you may find peace.

Just remember in life, things are never what they seem….


The moral of this story in case you didn’t get it is… how often when we reject others are we actually rejecting ourselves?

We were obese, lose the weight and suddenly we judge others who are struggling. Or maybe we are in an abusive relationship that we hide, and yet judge others who are in an abusive relationship. We mock and condem those who have the courage to be themselves, only because we are afraid to shine our own light.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are we not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.
And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others.

But A Rainbow Brings you a Variety of Colors before you find the Gold! And a broken link can be mended.

A Heart Filled With Many Colors...Is a heart filled with Love

Today I am going deep, proceed with caution.

I became aware of my “journey” on June 25, 2003. I was driving home from my home health job in my Nissan “PATHFINDER”.  I stopped at my sister in laws to pick up my daughters. We had planned a family cook out for the evening and Tia (my sister in law) had given me a pack of ground chuck to grill burgers. It was wrapped in aluminum foil.

My daughters stood beside my car begging me to let them stay with Tia. Just one night they pleaded. Of course, I said no. “We are having a family cookout, we can spend this evening being a family.” My youngest daughter Leesa went inside to get her things as my daughter Megan pooched out her bottom lip and said “Please mama” How could I say no to that face?

I hugged them both, and kissed them on the cheek as my daughter Megan yelled back “Ma, put your seatbelt on”

I was over 300 pounds and wearing a seatbelt made me feel trapped, restrained and fat! I just looked at her and she said, “For me?” So I put my seatbelt on and popped open my sunroof so I could breathe.

As I drove so many things came into my mind. I had been researching Gastric Bypass surgery, I was scheduled an appointment for July 25. I had just re-married my ex-husband. Yes, you did hear that right. Our original marriage was Feb 10, 1990, I was a mere 19 years old. Our divorce was Feb. 10, 2002. He had left me for another woman, lived with her for awhile, we divorced and when they broke up, he came back to the house this was around July of 2002. So we lived together in hate, confusion and un-trust for several months. Then I started looking into having bariatric surgery in May of 2003.

In my mind having surgery would fix everything…my marriage, my life… fix it all. I was being very judgemental of myself as I drove along that day with my Dolly Parton CD playing in the background. I kept telling myself surgery was the only way out, and I was stranded in shell of 300 pounds.I had remarried Greg, he had good insurance and I could have surgery. We could work this out, I mean after all when I lost weight, it would all be ok.

I wasn’t prepared for the jolt that happened next. Something hit my front passenger tire, and my Pathfinder skidded out of control. With the impact I was thrown forward into the steering wheel, luckily wearing a seatbelt. However I immediately wanted out of this situation. I reached for the seatbelt unbuckling it. It was so fast, yet everything was moving so slow.  People say you see your life flash before your eyes, and it is true. In a matter of seconds I was viewing not only my life, but the situation at hand.

The wooden chain my grandfather had whittled for me swinging like a pendulum from my mirror. I reached for it to protect it from breaking but my pathfinder had turned up on its side with the impact. I was rolling and being flung around like a 300 pound rag doll.

So many things flashing before me that I hadn’t done, that I came to this earth to do.  I began to barter with god. I am not ready to die, I have so much left to do on this earth. My children what would happen to my daughters? Who would take care of them? Who would be their ma?

This is a situation where the only choice at hand is to let go and let God. I could see the tree that was in my path, unbuckling my seatbelt had jolted me from the seat and half way out the sunroof. So the vision of the tree was clear, and I really didn’t want to see this, so I closed my eyes leaving my fate to a higher power.

I felt the impact as my pathfinder collided with the tree. It was in a flash, literally. Very quick and with what seemed like a flash of light from a camera flash.  Was I dead? If so, death didn’t hurt like I thought it would. I reached to feel my face, since it was in the collision path and it seemed as though I would hit head on, face to face with a tree. My face was intact. I seemed to be alive and well, considering the stress of the situation. I was very upset about something though, something had hit my passenger front tire. I didn’t see anything. What was it? Had a  child ran in front of my path? A person? A dog? Where they ok?

I looked first for the wooden chain that hung from my mirror in honor of my grandfather. It was gone, and tears came to my eyes.  Don’t get me wrong, I certainly was aware enough to be thankful, I AM a Survivor of this crash. I was not a victim of a car wreck, I was not a victim in life… I AM a survivor.

I looked up at my car and I thought to myself… oh, I can’t fix that mess.

Next I look for my cell phone, but I cant seem to locate it.  Someone asked me once how long I laid there? I have no idea, it seemed like hours, but I know it wasn’t. Although years worth of thoughts visited my mind. When I heard a lady’s voice yell out to me “Hey, are you okay?”

I could see her shadow at the edge of the woods, I was off the road in the thicket. “I am okay, but the car is on my foot and I can’t move”

“I will go call for help, just hold on” she yelled back to me.

She was leaving me and it would soon be dark, and I am in the woods alone, stranded. I yelled out loud please don’t leave me alone here. Within seconds a man was there, holding my hand wiping my hair from my face. I asked him not to worry about me, I was not injured. I pled with him to go check and see what or who hit me, and are they ok?  He just kept Reassuring me everything was going to be ok, help was on its way. I asked him to call my husband and he did.

The rescue squad arrived, and suddenly there were people everywhere. I kept saying something hit me, please check to see if they are ok. Maybe they thought I meant a car, because they kept telling me “Mam, nothing hit you, YOU hit  a tree!” NO, NO, NO something hit me, that’s what caused me to lose control of the car. It could have been a child. I was upset that no one would “hear” me! I needed to know what had hit me.

Of course, I got the lecture “Mam you have been in a serious accident, from the looks of your car, and that tree you could have serious head injuries or back injuries. We need you to lie still, you can’t get up. We are going to use the jaws of life to extricate you from the vehicle”  They were going to put a white sheet over me and I panicked. I was after all claustrophobic, and was holding it together quite well all things considering. The nice man who had held my hand and called Greg for me, said I will go under the sheet with you don’t worry.

About that time Greg showed up, and stomped around pushing his way through the crowd yelling thats my wife.  The rescue squad told him I seemed to be ok, that they were going to cut me from the car so they could assess me.

This is where Greg took his fist and pounded the top of my “Pathfinder” and yelled out “Teresa, look at this you tore up the car. You could tear the horn off an anvil. I am NEVER going to have anything because you destroy everything!”

The people from the rescue squad, the man holding my hand and I all just looked at him. He was throwing a hissy fit. It now only wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t called for. He was asked to leave the site of the accident.

In the mean while I keep trying to convice them all to find what hit me  LOL.

The noise of the popping metal from my “pathfinder”, the glass breaking away, and the noise the jaws of life itself makes caused my entire body to shake. I started to sing, it was all I knew to do. I sang “Life is Like A Butterfly” and I turned to the man holding my hand and asked him to look for my wooden chain and please hold onto it for me.

Once I was free from the car, I asked to stand up, of course I know the drill. I had worked in ER before. I could have a back injury and they wanted to put me on a back board and strecher. BUT I AM NOT HURT, and I AM HEAVY! I cried out.

It didn’t matter. My safety was their priority and it took 7 strong adults to lift me that day. They struggled to lift me and I struggled with the heaviness of my heart that day…. I kept saying “I am so sorry I am FAT!”

The last faces I saw before they loaded me on the ambulance was “Tia, Megan and Leesa”.  Tia said to me, “Megan found what hit you… there is a Doe deer on the side of the guardrail.” Tears filled my eyes, and I hugged them.

I used to view this story from just the body and mind aspect.

My physical body was so obese the weight could be what protected me in the wreck, I don’t know the answer there. The emotional pain of the weight of my life was weighing me down. I had totally lost feeling of my inner self and lost touch with the world as I know it. I had seperated from my spiritual self. The wreck was a wake up call…. and this is where my “journey”  home…began in a sense.

I was taken to the ER via rescue squad, and released without injury. People who looked at my SUV said there is no way anyone could have survived that wreck. People who saw the tree I hit and how I cleared a path through the woods to the tree said, there is no way anyone could have survived that crash.

The next day, I drove to pick up my sister in law and daughters and we drove to the site of the wreck. I was looking for my wooden chain. I stood and faced the tree with the sun on my back. I had a very profound respect for this tree and as I turned I caught a reflection.. The sun was reflecting on something on the ground and I reached to pick it up…aluminum foil from the ground chuck.. and underneath my chain.

My chain had survived the crash also, and it had only one broken link. All the pieces where still there. I picked them up and held them close to my heart. Physically the link was broken, but spiritaly the link to my grandfather, my ancestors, my divine inner being… it was not only intact… but embarking on a journey…

I had always wondered about guardian angels, and spirit guides that protect us. Animal guides that go to the extreme to show us the way. After this day… there was no more more wondering, I know they are with me.

It’s been years since the wreck and I am in my 7th year of post op surgery. I have done so much soul searching, unveiling wounds that caused scars on many levels…working through finding my true essence and true self.

My life is filled with many colors, as I worked through each color I stacked them on top of each other  to make a rainbow…the bridge that brought light to my life.

Before I could see the rainbow, I had to learn to appreciate the rain.

I am thankful for that wreck that changed my life… There was $14,000 dollars damage done to a $7,000 car… but the life lessons that came from that day… PRICELESS

They say I by all accounts I should have died that day… I say who are they to say?? God, has a plan for me, and It wasnt  the  day for me to leave this body…. I still have a lot to do in this life…But, I did make it through the storm and now I am on the far side of the sky…

Hands and Hearts that Heal....

July 06, 2011

As most of you know….. in my own journey to health and wellness, I have evolved into more of a holistic approach to life, and so has my blog. My life has become much simpler and it’s amazing how the little things excite me. So you can imagine my excitement when a big thing like a 1200 pound, 13 foot pilot whale comes into my life.

I first heard about the Pilot whales from my massage practicum teacher, Arynette Neal. She had gone down to volunteer and came back to school with the most amazing stories from her day. As soon as I heard her talk about it, I knew this was something I just had to do.

It’s pretty amazing what an experience like this can reflect to me.

My journey has evolved from a physical journey of healing my body from obesity to a holistic journey that includes not only body, but also mind and spirit. I try to view life experiences these days by keeping all three factors in sync.

The ride down to Key Largo itself was interesting. I’ve been wanting to go volunteer with the whales for a month and had put that out to the Universe. Each time I thought I would get to go, something happened. The first time I made plans to go the people I was going with could not make it. The second time the others also canceled but the night before I decided I would drive down alone.  Being single and an independent woman with a very strong will, I have driven many places alone.   Some people think thats nuts, some people think its brave… I think it’s a case of loving myself enough that I have the desire and will to live my life to the fullest.

I guess my desire and will was overruled that day because I woke up with a severe back ache, so I canceled. What I discovered is that they had to euthanize one of the whales that day because she had gotten worse and it was the humane thing to do. I understood why it wasn’t meant for me to be there now. I don’t think I would have handled that well.

But this day July 6..  I am on my way.  My friend Theresa arrived in the driveway at 9:00 sharp.  First was first of course as she filled up the tank with gas and she ran into Starbucks to fill up our tank with a large coffee with Soy milk.  I very rarely get Starbucks now, but when I do I am grateful and it reminds me to not take for granted even the little things in life.

Back in the car we are South bound on the Florida Turnpike with Kid Rock blaring on the radio. Theresa and I are both singing out loud “I was BORRRRNN Free”…

Only a few obstacles such as taking a wrong turn and getting off the turn pike, and then a huge rainstorm presented themselves. However, we were on a mission and felt like two superheros that day. We didn’t argue who was Isis and who was wonderwoman LOL. We were just two superheros on a mission. 🙂

I think I was Isis though, she has a pet Bird!

As we arrived at the Marine Mammal Conservancy area I could feel my heart speed up and I got chills all over. I was so excited to be doing this. Don’t get me wrong, I am very saddened that the whales were beached and stranded. However since they were, I want to do anything I can to help them.

Once we signed in we put on wetsuits. Hello.. have you ever tried to put on a wet, wetsuit? People, I don’t wear pantyhose for a reason. My body by nature’s design is thicker on the bottom, I get pantyhose to my knees and its like wrestling with a bear. Well, that is nothing beside putting on a wetsuit.

So I stand there for 5 minutes struggling with the suit, its a full on battle and I stop to take a breath. Thats when I realize 5 minutes of FIGHTING like a banchee and the wetsuit is just at my knees. I grab hold and start to pull, NOTHING. Finally a lady who is a full time volunteer comes to me and says, I can help you but I will have to stand behind you and stick my hands down the back of the suit and pull up, is that ok?

IS THAT OK??? PLEASE DO!! This is where it hits me, I am standing outside in the wide open, wearing just a bathing suit. I have lost that feeling of being embarrassed about my body or that self body image factor that I carried for so long. Then suddenly I hear her grunt out loud and she strains to pull up the, wet wetsuit.

I laughed out loud but finally I was in. Then I grab a pair of dive booties and wait my turn. Very quickly I was called into a secondary position on the whale. My job to hold the right side of her 400 pound tail above water and to take a sponge and keep her dorsal fin wet. Don’t get excited, I know it seems like too much to lift but keep in mind she is in water. That makes holding her up the easy part, but keeping her spine straight so her blow hole doesn’t go under water when she breathes, now that is a different story.

This is where I think to myself I want to just pinch the whale because this moment is hard to believe, but it is myself I want to pinch. I am fully aware this could have never been possible for me when I was 385 pounds.

It took me a minute to fully come into the moment.  I mean, I am holding a whale. The “inner child” is dancing and screaming out loud… I AM HOLDING A WHALE. Yet, the adult me has to be in control here and realize this is not play, this is serious.

It’s time for her assessment by the Veterinarian. All the people who are working here are volunteers. The love and compassion flows in abundance and the energy is amazing. Dr. Micah Brodsky comes into the water to assess Pilot Whale #300. He talks to her and her nose pops up from the water. YES, she does recognize people, and yes she has a personality. She is more aware of her surroundings and her situation than many people are aware of their own situations.

Today is not good day for the whale, as Dr. Brodsky listens to her lungs with  stethoscope he finds her lower lung lobes to be quite full. We, the volunteers and Dr. Brodsky give her a nebulizer treatment to loosen up the congestion in her lungs. With each breath she brings up drainage from her lungs.

You see, this is not play time and swim with the whales. We have a 1,200 pound sick baby in our hands and she is still critical. Its obvious to me that she is surrounded by people who are volunteering their time, expertise but mainly their love and compassion. That is is what is helping her heal.

Later in the shift we also got to see #300 exercise by swimming around the holding area chasing one of the staff volunteers. He would smack the water holding a bucket of fish in his hand and she would swim after him. After she exercised  she got to eat the fish. But, then we hold her as a tube is put in her mouth that she swallows that gives her hydration and medicine.

It was an amazing experience for me, and I pondered it, took it in, processed it and integrated it into my being.

I remember a time when I could not wait to go to Key West, Key Largo or any of those sunfilled island areas. I santed to sit on the beach in a hammock and sip on margarita’s from the Tiki bar..this is experience was so far from those earlier hopes and dreams. My mind tells me how far my body and spirit have evolved on this journey home.


Until next time #300… until next time



Still Counting Blessings

June 21, 2011

Each day I continue to work on healing my life MIND~BODY~SPIRIT… wellness for me depends on being whole. Sometimes I enjoy going back to reflect on life and realize how far I have come. Sucess is defined by the individual seeking it, not by those who are looking in from the outside.

Today means something different for many people, and for some it’s just another day. Officially it’s the first day of summer and the Summer Solstice. I started my day today by waking up early and heading out to the ocean, I am blessed in the fact that its a short drive away and it the front row of sunrise is a free ticket for those who find serenity in the lightshow.

This morning as I sat in the sand letting the waves lap over me, I reflected back to my life a few years back. Three years ago this July 5th I embarked on a new venture that I had no idea where it would lead. I had experienced some dark areas and was searching desperately for answers. I wont go into a lot of details here, because that will be another chapter…for another time. Lets just say I had been looking for answers to life in the bottom of a bottle. I had managed to trade my “medication” of food in and had started “medicating” with alcohol.

It’s not something I am proud of, nor am I ashamed of it really. It happened, it was obviously something I needed to face and overcome and I did.

What stuck out to me this morning was that rainy July 5th, 2008.. the storms were horrific, the rain was so hard I could barely see to drive. All the traffic lights were out and I got out of the car the parking lot was knee high with water, I took off my 5 inch, Italian Black patent leather pumps and walked barefoot through the water with umbrella. I was determined I was going to change my life. I knew in my heart, I had not undergone the knife and had bariatric surgery only to transfer my food addiction for alcohol…

This was my first day EVER of therapy… and you must understand… I walked into that office HATING therapist. I felt as if they lived up to their title “The-Rapist” and even told my therapist my feelings about that.  I am sure she realized that first day that she had her work cut out for her in me. I also told her I was giving her 6 weeks to “fix me” thats about all I had time for with my busy work schedule.

My Halo is being Held up with Sunrays

She LAUGHED, I did not. Yet, I continued even after those 6 weeks were over to make the 30 minute drive once a week to her office. Each visit learning something new about me and what I wanted in life… and learning how to go within my own self to find answers and comfort.. rather than looking for comfort in food, or a bottle or in others.

Crystal Cove California....Here Comes The SUN

The first visit she asked me if I ever spend any time outdoors. Take time to sit on the beach and relax, reflect or think. I LAUGHED, no I work 6 days a week and a couple evenings a week doing support groups. How do you support yourself she asked.  I just stared at her. She gave me a homework assignment of “GETTING OUT IN THE SUN and enjoying life” and as I left she said “oh and wear sunscreen” As you can see, I accepted the challenge and now its hard to get me out of the sun 😉

Sunshine has a different meaning for everyone... To me it's God's way of sending love to the world

One of the things I have reflected on today is that during great struggles and adversities is where I often find my greatest strengths and where I learn to overcome the most and I GROW tremendously. I am in a humbled state of gratitude today for the many blessings in my life…

I would like to add here that I made it so much farther than 6 weeks in my therapy, my goal was to get back to a point where I could have a glass of wine from time to time without losing control. I much succeeded that, because once I met my goal, I realized I really did not want to drink at all. Today I am alcohol free. I embrace a new healthy lifestyle. Addictions stem from fear… I have learned to replace fear with love 😉

The energy today is perfect for letting go of the things that no longer serve us, its perfect for setting the intention of moving forward and manifesting great things in our lives. Get outdoors and get some sun time in… oh and wear sunscreen